WARNING: The following story is quite clearly satirical in nature. All of the quotes and events are accurate, but if you can’t comprehend any sense of sarcasm then please stop reading. Plus, I doubt Mike Miller is as good at Fortnite as he says he is. Although, I do appreciate the considerable effort he has put into the game. True Gruden Grinder.
Every good team has to be prepared for the unexpected. In basketball, you never know who’s going to have the game of their lives or who’s going to become the newest spark off of your bench. Just look at Zach McRoberts. Nobody could have ever expected his emergence for Indiana in the middle of last season, but with that great surprise came a defensive specialist that had mastered the pack line defense.
On Wednesday, the Hoosiers faced a completly new surprise.
“Well it kept telling me to go to the designated assembly area, and I don’t know where that is, so I have to admit I was a little worried,” Indianapolis Star reporter Zach Osterman said. “If not for today, then certainly for future fires. Because no one really made it clear whether that was a drill, or a malfunction, of an actually inferno.”
Yes, after Mr. Basketball in the state of Indiana Romeo Langford took the podium for the first time in his career as a member of the Hoosiers, the fire alarm went off in Assembly Hall.
“It was a little bit traumatic,” Indiana Daily Student Beat Reporter Ben Portnoy said. “Lots of flashing lights. But overall, I would say the Indiana press corps kept their cool and made it through a real tough scenario there during media day.”
The traumatic flashing lights of the press room not only struck immediate fear into some, but it also seemed to be an uncalled for interruption for others.
“What a waste, are you kidding me?,” Bloomington Herald Times Reporter Mike Miller said. “Are you kidding me? Do you know what plans I cancelled to come here today? I’ve had a really good run in Fortnite lately. I’ve been the aggressor.”
To some this may have been a simple disturbance, but to others, it was an experience we could all learn from.
While walking around the press room during this experience I made sure to keep my ears in tune to everything around me. While doing so, I heard someone in the distance express that the last time there was a fire alarm during a press conference was in 1981. (This is entirely a rumor I had overheard. I’m not going to go through the effort to confirm that it is true, so we’re going with the assumption that it is.)
1981! Indiana won a National Championship that year folks. This fire alarm means something!
With that in mind, I decided to review the tape. So without further ado, here are my 16 takeaways:
Devonte Green’s immediate reaction to the alarm is priceless.
Green’s immediate look around the room at the moment of the alarm displays a true point guards mentality. At a moments notice, Green is ready for anything. He surveyed the floor looking for his best option and without hesitation realized that best option was to stop talking.
Devonte Green is well aware of how the logistics of fire work.
In the next clip, Indiana forward Race Thompson asked a simple question.
“What would have happened if it was a real fire?,” Thompson said.
“Yeah, we done for,” Green responded.
This awareness of how the spacing and logistics of a room work is pivital for when Green will have to read the spacing on the floor in the upcoming season. In addition, his response truly analyzed the potential result of the fire, unlike others who I asked the same question to.
“I would have used Mike (Miller) to put it out,” Osterman said.
Race Thompson is curious and socially conscious
After taking the time to try to find the cause for the alarm, Thompson then went on to explain that he was planning on taking a Snapchat before holding back reasons he didn’t need to explain. Every good athlete needs a sense of curiosity and should always avoid poor social media usage.
Race Thompson doesn’t like sitting in a sticky chair
I mean, who does.
Devonte Green is prone to fire alarms
Green goes on to explain that he has experienced a fire alarm at class, Smallwood, Briscoe, and Evolve.
Every team needs a shooter that can get hot.
Race Thompson hates fire alarms
Once again, Thompson is extremly relatable. Who likes fire alarms? Nobody does.
If you want your team to gel and develop chemistry, relatable players such as Race Thompson are key.
Race Thompson has high expectations for the season.
In this clip, Thompson reaches into his arsenal of Dad jokes to pull out a lofty goal for the season.
“It’s because we about to be on fire boy,” Thompson said when providing a reason for the fire alarm.
Jerome Hunter is also socially conscious
This is the exact moment in which Hunter retweeted The Hoosier Network during the press conference. I’m not going to say that makes us special, but yeah you know what, I certainly feel special.
Race Thompson and Devonte Green are incredibly creative
In the following clip we can see Race Thompson and Devonte Green prepare to rap while utilizing the alarm to set a beat. On the floor, every team needs players that can be creative in the moment looking for unique avenues to beat the defense. It seems quite clear that Thompson and Green can provide that.
Devonte Green is a humble young man
If you look at the tape, you can see that Green was surprised to see his own name on the card in front of him. This humble nature can help Green in the future continue to work hard in practice to drive for more name card surprises.
Hey! Race Thompson eventually did get that Snapchat
Jerome Hunter is solely focused on basketball and nothing else
Earlier in the day, Archie Miller made sure to express that Jerome Hunter loves basketball more than anyone else he has experienced in a long time. With that explanation in mind, it makes sense that in this next clip Hunter needs Green to teach him where the South Endzone is. Ball is life people. Hunter has his mind on Assembly Hall and nothing more.
Devonte Green is a leader
Look at how Green is able to teach other members of his team. As a point guard, this willingness to make other around you better is crucial to success all year long.
Hey look! Devonte got a snapchat too!
It’s called millennial team bonding. Deal with it.
Don’t ask Devonte Green about New York accents
As a resident New Yorker, I can confirm that Green’s assertion is accurate. The robotic sound of a fire alarm announcement does not sound like the typical New Yorker.
Race Thompson is a well mannered man
Thompson didn’t have to thank everyone in the room for attending the press conference. He didn’t, but he did.
Ultimately, the end result of this entire experience was a new found appreciation. For some, it was a newfound appreciation for the value of faith.
“I knew when JD (Campbell, IU Spokesperson) said no reason to panic, I felt safe,” said Miller. “I trust him.”
For others, it was a newfound appreciation for what this Indiana Basketball program truly brings to the table this year. Specifically for this group of three at the podium, everyone in the room could truly take something from how the situation was handled.
“I think it’s indicative of the character we have known about them all along,” Indiana University Assistant Athletic Director Jeremy Gray said.
“I think they’re a patient group,” The Hoosier Network Reporter Teddy Bailey said. “I know it’s just a small bit of adversity they had to overcome, but they were patient more than anything. They didn’t complain. They didn’t try to leave… In Basketball you have to wait for your looks to open up and that’s what it looks like these guys will do this season.”
“No, it’s a fire drill,” Portnoy said.